Let's take the focus off football for a minute.
Warning up front: If you've been affected by a loved one's death by suicide -- or if you've had suicidal thoughts yourself -- this conversation may be triggering. Please know that before reading on.
More importantly, if this column finds you in a time of distress, stop what you're doing. Call or text "988" to reach the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline for free, confidential, 24/7/365 support. You can also reach a trained counselor by clicking "CHAT" at 988lifeline.org. Take one of those steps right now. Not being "OK" is OK. People are standing by that care and will hear you out, lend a hand, and walk with you.
For everyone else -- especially parents -- please stay with me. This is important.
Suicide is the 11th leading cause of death in the United States. Every instance is a tragedy -- each of the 48,183 people whose lives ended prematurely in 2021, not to mention the many that came before and since.
Suicide occurs far too frequently to assume, "That'll never happen to me or to the people I care about." It could. Real talk here.
Don't believe me? You're on NFL.com, so you probably understand how stats can get to the truth of a matter. Consider these: "12.3 million American adults seriously thought about suicide, 3.5 million planned a suicide attempt, and 1.7 million attempted suicide" in 2021 alone, according to the CDC’s most recent data.
Those numbers are scary. So is the word "adults," because it means those millions don't even include suicidal thoughts and behaviors by kids. Two years ago, 9% of high school students reported making a recent suicide attempt. It's the second leading cause of death for children and young adults between 10 and 24 years old. Even more frightening is that these numbers are on the rise, particularly in communities that previously boasted numbers so low they were being studied to better understand why they were doing so well.
It's personal to me, a father of five. My wife Tommi and I are grandparents. "Vincent Country" is more than a nickname for our family -- it's everything. We protect it with all we've got. That's what parents do.
Part of that responsibility means being open and honest with our children about mental health.
My childhood was during an era when most adults avoided having really hard conversations with their kids. We have to move away from the way these talks -- if they took place at all -- went down in our adolescence. Society is now at a place where it's OK to not be OK. Are you encouraging vulnerability in your own household? Think about that. Answer honestly.
Being proactive about discussions involving mental health and suicide is a game-changer. Experts say this is one of the biggest factors in suicide prevention, and asking about these issues does not increase the risk that someone will attempt suicide. Be candid, humble, and open to discomfort. You might need to build up trust, depending on your relationship with your children. But start today. It could mean their life.
Maintaining that dialog is key. You'll have opportunities to spot when something isn't right: talking about dying or being a burden, feeling hopeless, or wanting to withdraw from friends or favorite activities. As parents, we must be in tune. That's why it was important for the NFL community to partner with the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) and 988 on a four-part video series to educate individuals on suicide prevention tactics and resources.
It's not easy, but it's the right thing to do. Keeping these things in mind can help:
- Every child is different. Bringing the right mix of empathy, care, and communication will go a long way in an extremely delicate situation. You know them best -- so do your best.
- If your child isn't comfortable talking with you at the moment, respect their boundaries. Give space, but don't give up. Try to help them figure out when and where to get support.
- If they are open to mental health counseling, ask your network -- pediatrician, school, friends and family, even your own doctor -- for referrals.
- If your child says -- or you believe -- they are in emotional distress or suicidal crisis, contact the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. Call or text "988," or start a chat at 988lifeline.org.
- Be patient with questions when you're on the line. Crisis counselors are only asking so they can best understand the situation and guide your loved one through it. Remember, it's all confidential.
- If your kid is resistant to contacting the 988 Lifeline, do it anyway, on your own behalf, so that 988 can provide you with support and resources.
These are just a few things from my learnings as a parent and an advocate on issues such as domestic violence, which is also deeply personal to my family and linked to higher suicide risk.
My last point is this: We need to evolve our thinking on mental health in athletics.
September 30 through October 7 is National Student Athlete Mental Health Week and October 3 through October 10 is Pro Athlete Mental Health Awareness Week. Frankly, we're in an industry that has a centuries-long history of rewarding and celebrating toughness. That goes for all players, no matter their gender. Men and boys feel particular pressure to live up to a certain definition of masculinity. It's a mindset that manifests as "see something, say nothing." We've got to break that down.
Athletes, you should know that seeking professional assistance for emotional health or mental illness can improve your personal performance, both mentally and physically. Montana State University has compiled some worthwhile research, tips, and tools. There's a lot more out there. Share what you learn with your teammates.
You're in the locker room. You have the influence to manifest something new. Remember, it's OK to not be OK.
Spread the word.
Troy Vincent Sr. is the Executive Vice President of Football Operations for the National Football League. He is an advocate on issues such as mental health, suicide prevention, and domestic violence awareness, and is a former member of the National Action Alliance for Suicide Prevention's executive committee.
