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NFL QB Index, Week 7: HAIKU EDITION! Josh Allen reclaims No. 1 spot; Aaron Rodgers' slide continues

This week, we're breaking away from our normal QB Index formatting to present our ranking of all 32 starting signal-callers in haiku form. Why? Here's a better question: Why not? Let's go.

Be sure to catch this week's surprise bonus episode of the Around the NFL Podcast, where Marc and Gregg Rosenthal dig into the Haiku edition of the QB Index.

NOTE: Up/down arrows illustrate movement from the Week 6 QB Index. Rankings reflect each quarterback's standing heading into Week 7.

Rank
1
1
Josh Allen
Buffalo Bills · Year 5

2022 stats: 6 games | 66.9 pct | 1,980 pass yds | 8.3 ypa | 17 pass TD | 4 INT | 257 rush yds | 2 rush TD | 5 fumbles


Arching over a

Kansas City defender

Into full wonder

Rank
2
1
Patrick Mahomes
Kansas City Chiefs · Year 6

2022 stats: 6 games | 65.9 pct | 1,736 pass yds | 7.6 ypa | 17 pass TD | 4 INT | 113 rush yds | 0 rush TD | 1 fumble


If only my side

Arm rocket to MVS

Wasn’t penalized

Rank
3
1
Jalen Hurts
Philadelphia Eagles · Year 3

2022 stats: 6 games | 66.8 pct | 1,514 pass yds | 8.2 ypa | 6 pass TD | 2 INT | 293 rush yds | 6 rush TD | 3 fumbles


They built a statue

For Foles. Four months away from 

A Jalen carving?

Rank
4
1
Lamar Jackson
Baltimore Ravens · Year 5

2022 stats: 6 games | 61.9 pct | 1,277 pass yds | 7.1 ypa | 13 pass TD | 6 INT | 451 rush yds | 2 rush TD | 3 fumbles


Betwixt the G-Men

I rumbled and roamed until

Thibodeaux thundered

Rank
5
Justin Herbert
Los Angeles Chargers · Year 3

2022 stats: 6 games | 66.1 pct | 1,716 pass yds | 6.7 ypa | 10 pass TD | 3 INT | 26 rush yds | 0 rush TD | 1 fumble


Human tornado

Trapped inside hyper-milquetoast 

Bolts offensive scheme

Rank
6
Tom Brady
Tampa Bay Buccaneers · Year 23

2022 stats: 6 games | 67.2 pct | 1,652 pass yds | 6.7 ypa | 8 pass TD | 1 INT | -7 rush yds | 0 rush TD | 3 fumbles


Brady on edge. Red

Faced inside a drab field goal

Offense. Can’t blame Bruce

Rank
7
1
Geno Smith
Seattle Seahawks · Year 10

2022 stats: 6 games | 73.4 pct | 1,502 pass yds | 8 ypa | 9 pass TD | 2 INT |125 rush yds | 1 rush TD | 2 fumbles


The author of this 

Column giggled at me in 

August. Now he’s hushed

Rank
8
1
Joe Burrow
Cincinnati Bengals · Year 3

2022 stats: 6 games | 66.7 pct | 1,616 pass yds | 7.1 ypa | 12 pass TD | 5 INT | 110 rush yds | 2 rush TD | 3 fumbles


When Joe and Ja'Marr

Flip the switch, Bengals vibe as

AFC heavies

Rank
9
2
Aaron Rodgers
Green Bay Packers · Year 18

2022 stats: 6 games | 67 pct | 1,403 pass yds | 6.7 ypa | 9 pass TD | 3 INT | 9 rush yds | 0 rush TD | 5 fumbles


Agitated. Peeved.

Wait, is that New York Jets guy

Wearing a cheesehead?

Rank
10
NR
Tua Tagovailoa
Miami Dolphins · Year 3

2022 stats: 4 games | 69.6 pct | 1,035 pass yds | 9 ypa | 8 pass TD | 3 INT | 1 rush yd | 0 rush TD | 1 fumble


Back at the controls

Tua, Waddle and Cheetah

Aim to end Fins’ fall

Rank
11
1
Kirk Cousins
Minnesota Vikings · Year 11

2022 stats: 6 games | 66.2 pct | 1,502 pass yds | 6.6 ypa | 9 pass TD | 5 INT | 18 rush yds | 1 rush TD | 1 fumble


His name: Mr. Tease

White-hot quarters mixed with long

Stretches of deep sleep

Rank
12
1
Kyler Murray
Arizona Cardinals · Year 4

2022 stats: 6 games | 65.1 pct | 1,463 pass yds | 5.8 ypa | 6 pass TD | 4 INT | 233 rush yds | 2 rush TD | 4 fumbles


“Rookie year, that is

probably the last time [bad

word] has felt this hard

Rank
13
Ryan Tannehill
Tennessee Titans · Year 11

2022 stats: 5 games | 65.1 pct | 965 pass yds | 7.7 ypa | 6 pass TD | 3 INT | 23 rush yds | 1 rush TD | 1 fumble


For those thinking he’d 

Be bounced by now for Malik 

Willis: Tanny lives!

Rank
14
Derek Carr
Las Vegas Raiders · Year 9

2022 stats: 5 games | 61.4 pct | 1,279 pass yds | 7 ypa | 8 pass TD | 4 INT | 69 rush yds | 0 rush TD | 2 fumbles


Earthlings: Prepare for

Run-heavy uprising with

Carr at motherboard

Rank
15
3
Matthew Stafford
Los Angeles Rams · Year 14

2022 stats: 6 games | 71.1 pct | 1,576 pass yds | 7 ypa | 6 pass TD | 8 INT | 7 rush yds | 0 rush TD | 4 fumbles


AT&T ads

Should be fewer. Pick-sixes

Should be fewer, too

Rank
16
4
Jimmy Garoppolo
San Francisco 49ers · Year 9

2022 stats: 5 games | 63.5 pct | 1,153 pass yds | 7.8 ypa | 7 pass TD | 3 INT | 18 rush yds | 1 rush TD | 2 fumbles


Pick-free Jimmy G

Turns San Fran spicy. Pick-full

Jim sings songs of doom

Rank
17
2
Jared Goff
Detroit Lions · Year 7

2022 stats: 5 games | 59.7 pct | 1,355 pass yds | 7.3 ypa | 11 pass TD | 4 INT | 23 rush yds | 0 rush TD | 2 fumbles


Oft-adequate Goff

Lucky there are not thirty

Other Belichicks

Rank
18
1
Daniel Jones
New York Giants · Year 4

2022 stats: 6 games | 67.3 pct | 1,021 pass yds | 6.4 ypa | 5 pass TD | 2 INT | 236 rush yds | 2 rush TD | 2 fumbles


Operating as

A Saquon Handoff Robot 

Who does just enough

Rank
19
3
Marcus Mariota
Atlanta Falcons · Year 8

2022 stats: 6 games | 61.3 pct | 1,055 pass yds | 7.7 ypa | 6 pass TD | 4 INT | 206 rush yds | 3 rush TD | 7 fumbles


I flung a TD

To Kyle Pitts. Time to chill

Fantasy nimrods

Rank
20
3
Andy Dalton
New Orleans Saints · Year 12

2022 stats: 3 games | 63.1 pct | 585 pass yds | 7 ypa | 3 pass TD | 1 INT | 7 rush yds | 0 rush TD | 1 fumble


Glowing Red Ginger

Man: Basic skillz, achy back.

Attention: Taysom

Rank
21
3
Trevor Lawrence
Jacksonville Jaguars · Year 2

2022 stats: 6 games | 65.5 pct | 1,397 pass yds | 6.9 ypa | 9 pass TD | 4 INT | 81 rush yds | 2 rush TD | 4 fumbles


Is there a franchise 

Hero beyond the flowing

Locks and hot/cold act?

Rank
22
5
Russell Wilson
Denver Broncos · Year 11

2022 stats: 6 games | 58.6 pct | 1,442 pass yds | 7.3 ypa | 5 pass TD | 3 INT | 96 rush yds | 1 rush TD | 1 fumble


Fifteen depressing

Yards after halftime is not

What Denver paid for

Rank
23
2
Matt Ryan
Indianapolis Colts · Year 15

2022 stats: 6 games | 67.2 pct | 1,765 pass yds | 7 ypa | 8 pass TD | 7 INT | 9 rush yds | 0 rush TD | 11 fumbles


Sad autumn brighter

After Matty Ice hurls a

Wild fifty-eight throws

Rank
24
8
Carson Wentz
Washington Commanders · Year 7

2022 stats: 6 games | 62.1 pct | 1,489 pass yds | 6.4 ypa | 10 pass TD | 6 INT | 79 rush yds | 0 rush TD | 6 fumbles


Bum digit delays

Wentz quest to, you know, really 

Start to take command

Rank
25
2
Kenny Pickett
Pittsburgh Steelers · Rookie

2022 stats: 3 games | 66.3 pct | 514 pass yds | 6.2 ypa | 1 pass TD | 4 INT | 41 rush yds | 2 rush TD | 1 fumble


Mitchell zinged the Bucs

But Kenny’s tape tells tales of 

Hope when not concussed

Rank
26
6
Jacoby Brissett
Cleveland Browns · Year 7

2022 stats: 6 games | 60.2 pct | 1,326 pass yds | 6.4 ypa | 6 pass TD | 5 INT | 112 rush yds | 1 rush TD | 2 fumbles


Jacoby passes

Forty-five times. Chubb carries

Twelve. Pats explode Browns

Rank
27
1
Zach Wilson
New York Jets · Year 2

2022 stats: 3 games | 56 pct | 572 pass yds | 7.6 ypa | 1 pass TD | 2 INT | 18 rush yds | 1 rush TD | 0 fumbles


The boy who will lead

The Baby Jets to playoff

Glory come winter

Rank
28
Bailey Zappe
New England Patriots · Rookie

2022 stats: 3 games | 72.9 pct | 596 pass yds | 8.5 ypa | 4 pass TD | 1 INT | 1 rush yd | 0 rush TD | 3 fumbles


Belichickian

Wonderboy laughs at inane

And lost Browns defense

Rank
29
Justin Fields
Chicago Bears · Year 2

2022 stats: 6 games | 54.8 pct | 869 pass yds | 7.6 ypa | 4 pass TD | 5 INT | 282 rush yds | 1 rush TD | 7 fumbles


If you squint, you’ll see

Beauty between chapters of

Chicago tumult

Rank
30
9
Cooper Rush
Dallas Cowboys · Year 6

2022 stats: 6 games | 57.7 pct | 1,020 pass yds | 6.5 ypa | 5 pass TD | 3 INT | 6 rush yds | 0 rush TD | 2 fumbles


Time for Jerrah to 

Leave a suitcase full of green

Bills in my locker

Rank
31
1
Davis Mills
Houston Texans · Year 2

2022 stats: 5 games | 62.7 pct | 1,048 pass yds | 6.3 ypa | 5 pass TD | 4 INT | 2 rush yds | 0 rush TD | 4 fumbles


Mills’ big audition

Falling flat. Caserio’s

Wandering eye glows

Rank
32
NR
P.J. Walker
Carolina Panthers · Year 3

2022 stats: 2 games | 68.2 pct | 120 pass yds | 5.4 ypa | 0 pass TD | 0 INT | -1 rush yd | 0 rush TD | 0 fumbles


Gnarliest job in

Charlotte. Will Walker be stripped

Of McCaffrey, too?

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The Air Index presented by FedEx ranks NFL quarterback performances all season long. Check out the weekly FedEx Air NFL Players of the Week and cast your vote after Sunday Night Football.

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